A Renewed Mind

After my recent sermon on church discipline (5/3/2009 – The Protection of the Church), I was asked a couple of questions that are worth passing on. 

On Being Tight-Lipped

We examined the process given to us by Jesus in Matthew 18:15-20. We saw that the first step is private. When an offense has been committed and we know of it, we are to go to the offender and confront the sin in love and humility with the aim of winning them through repentance. If that attempt is unsuccessful, we return in similar fashion taking one or two mature brothers or sisters with us. On this point, I stressed that we bring the offense to the offender without talking about it to others. As our aim is repentance and restoration, we do not want to complicate that–and we do not want to sin against them–by gossip, slander, or malicious talk. Gossip is too prevalent in our culture and churches, and it kills the very kind of community and accountability which the church is designed to share (and which church discipline makes possible). For this reason, I stated that we must not talk to one another about the offense, but we must go to the offender, and keep the outcome of our conversation private.

This raised a good question: “What if I am not sure that I should address the person? Is it wrong for me to get someone else’s opinion as to whether it is right for me to talk to the person about the offense?” Indeed, sometimes we may need mature, biblical counsel to discern whether we would serve our brother or sister by confronting their sin. If we are concerned for a brother or sister because of their sin, but we are not sure that we should confront them, it would be wise to seek counsel.  In seeking counsel, select someone who:

• is mature, both in life and their Christian walk
• will give biblical counsel and understanding
• will be objective, enough distance from the situation to understand with clarity
• is committed to both you and the offender–that is, a member of the church who will share your concern
• will not talk to others about the situation.

Being Discerning and not Judgmental

The second question was, “How can we confront sin and not be judgmental?” The answer is that we carefully discern whether the offense is sin for which our brother or sister is unrepentant. If so, our brother or sister will suffer greatly. Our concern over their loss of fellowship with the Lord and His church, and their potential of hardening their hearts so that they fall away from the living God compels us to confront their sin. A lack of humble, caring confrontation is really the unloving act.

I tried to explain this briefly, but was pressed for time. In Matthew 7:1, we have the famous command from Jesus: “Judge not, that you be not judged.” This is an important command that all of us need to remember and honor. In the context, it is clear that Jesus is dealing with the kind of judgmental attitudes that the Pharisees (and all of us at one time or another) possessed. This kind of judging refers to a self-righteous use of the law in which we use the law to attack others while being oblivious to our own guilt before God. This judging has the effect of exalting ourselves over our sinning brother or sister while damaging them. We see this very clearly if we are careful to understand the command with the verses that follow.

But it is very possible for us to be discerning without judging. In fact, it is necessary. We can not live in this world without making judgments of some kind everyday. Just five verses after Jesus says “Judge not…”, He says, “Do not give dogs what is holy, and do not throw your pearls before pigs, lest they trample them underfoot and turn to attack you” (Matthew 7:6, ESV). Notice again that these are commands from Jesus. And notice that in order to obey His commands, we must discern who the “dogs” and “pigs” are. In this sense, we must make judgments.

When it comes to the issue of judging or discerning our brother or sister’s sin, I believe the key is for us to consider our own motivation for dealing with our brother’s sin. Here are some helpful questions to consider:

• Am I primarily concerned about my brother or sister? Am I genuinely concerned about the effect of the sin on his or her life, the church, and his or her witness of Christ?
• Am I primarily offended personally? Am I motivated by a desire to “make them pay” for what they have done or to get even? Is my reaction due to an offense against my own sense of right and wrong more than it is by Scripture?
• Is the offense serious enough that God would use me to intervene in a humble way?

As I said in the sermon, none of us should be eager to discipline. We need to remember our responsibilities. It is not our responsibility to target our brothers and sisters like some media watchdog, alerting everyone to the weaknesses and sins of another. Rather, we are brothers and sisters. Therefore, we lovingly care for one another. And when a brother or sister goes astray, we go to them to bring them back to God and His people.  

[I know that Tim Challies has written more extensively on discernment and "judging" on his blog, but I don't have the links.]